you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
sarcasm needs its own font
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
