He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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