it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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