I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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