mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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