I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
