Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
