I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
