We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
