Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Randomize
