i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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