So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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