Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
