why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
