Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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