dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
