Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
