I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Drake has all the answers
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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