Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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