From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize