she woke up with a sticky ear
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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