I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
