just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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