I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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