just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
