i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
