my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
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I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
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Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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