theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
