would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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