she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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