Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
