Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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