It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
