Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
with your own penis?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize