I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
