someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
