so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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