Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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