Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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