i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
