Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
