So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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