pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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