Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
