i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize