I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize