So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
