he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
this is an emotional support booty call
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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