My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Randomize
