I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
