Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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