i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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