so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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