fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
