and i looked up. we had an audience...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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