Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
