best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
