But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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