I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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