people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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