hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
