i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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