Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
