everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
